rant.

Addiction. Fuck that. I mean seriously, I may joke I may have stories but addiction is the biggest asshole in the room. Fuck guns. I don’t care if you disagree, I’m right. Take all the fucking guns and destroy them. Then tell me what’s worse. If no one has them, then we reset the board. Do me a favor before you disagree with me. One request. Let someone kill you with a gun. How do you feel about it now? Also, no im not talking about drunk drivers because thats irrelevant and you’re an idiot. If you want an analogy, compare the gun to the alcohol that got the driver drunk, not the car. Take away the tool of death, you take away the death itself or you make it a lot harder at least. Last thought on this, way to go kids. Seriously, seeing the youth of our country stand up is inspiring. We may finally have hope. Trying the same thing over and over expecting a different result is insanity. Something I know a lot about.

and now…this

A lighter story after that. Recently I dropped a glass in my sink. This was no ordinary glass, this was the glass I was given on my 30th birthday. It said ‘Happy 30th Ryan’. That same birthday, which came a few weeks before I quit drinking, brought many bottles of vodka. That glass housed vodka and cranberry drinks for maybe 25 days. Then for almost 8 years it held water, milk and sometimes a club soda. But that glass was purchased for me to hold liquor. It was a good token, a good reminder of what it was designed for. But it was retired for that purpose at a very early age. It went to “greeter at a supermarket” quite quickly.

When you break a glass, you no longer own that glass. The ties you have to it are severed. If it was special to you, you will feel loss. But you do not have many options. It is unlikely you can glue it back together and even if you could it will never be the same. It can’t ever be the same. Now your life continues without the glass. I’m not sure I have a point, this moment just made me think.

give me a point

There’s so much to think about. Dealing with addiction is truly a lifelong task. It will pop up and remind you that you have a problem that lies dormant but not dead. If you don’t acknowledge its existence, it may just erupt when you least expect it. If you don’t have it, you’re lucky. If you do, you’re lucky in a different way. You’re reading this so you now know one other person like you. That’s all it takes. And I love you and you can’t do anything about it. Can’t wait to talk to you all again soon. This world is a beautiful place if you know the secrets. I know the secrets that allow me to be happy and yet I run from them. I hide from them. I do the opposite of what they tell me. Say I don’t know about insanity now… but when I listen to the secrets, I find beauty and laughter and happiness. I hope you can too.