remember me…

forks.

Life gives us forks in the road. What do we do with them? Choices. If I chose more blood over an ambulance, would I be here? How many others chose blood? How many can’t see any light? Sadly, there are many. I’m no saint. Im not perfect. Im no role model. I fuck up and I make choices that are terrible. I had so many choices in my past life and I chose the worst option time and time again. I guess I’m lucky. I got a few more lives. Let’s discuss addiction again. Did I mention this idea before? Addiction will look you in the face and tell you it loves you. Addiction will tell you everything is ok. Take that pill. Drink that drink. Life is better. Then, you take that pill, drink that drink and guess what, addiction was right. Everything is ok. Everything is fucking great, put on your dancing shoes and let’s go. But then one day addiction tells you the pill, the drink will make you happy and you take it. But then it doesn’t work. It doesn’t fucking work. What a backstabbing fucking asshole. What the hell am I gonna do now? Choice time. MORE. No choice. More more more. It’s not working, addiction, it’s not fucking working. I’m feeling worse, feeling scared. What do I do?? Addiction you lied to me! Choice again, choice. More=death. More=no family. I PICK MORE! Remember me! But stop.

remember me.

There was another choice. Remember you? Fucking coward. Remember you as a coward who chose drugs, who chose alcohol over life? Over your family? They just try to love you. Great memories you’ve created. Fuck you. Addiction is not a person. You can choose life. Maybe you should. Be remembered for good. Remember me for choices I made not ones I didn’t make. Let me make the choices I must make. I make bad choices all the time. You probably do too. Next time one faces you, next time addiction looks you dead in the face and tells you to get high. When it tells you that you may die, you may lose your family, but it will be as good as ever and you won’t care, just think about it for 5 minutes. Psychosis isn’t fun. Being the fucked up person isn’t fun. It’s not cool. You will die. I probably should have died many times. Somehow I didn’t. If I want to take that poison again that option is there. If you’re like me, and this is borderline impossible to fathom, but you CAN live without your best friend. You think it’s impossible and it’s damn close. I’ve kicked things I thought I’d die trying to kick. I barely made it but the other side is clean. The filth you need to climb through sucks, no doubt. I can’t do it again so I have to fight to keep this. Every day. But if you climb through a mile of shit and foul most people can’t even imagine, there’s a clean pond on the other side waiting for you as is a handshake from no one. You gotta do this for yourself. (I’m being dramatic, there’s massive support out there, I’m just saying you can only do it for you. No one else.). Join me. I’m still so fucked up but I’m making a few more good choices than bad right now. You’ll never get addiction completely out of your brain, but you’ll be able to tell it to fuck off every single day. Addiction, please fuck off. Thanks. See you tomorrow, you sick fucking fuck. Til next time, thanks for reading…

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