it has been 3 1/2 years since my last entry. Sometimes you have to climb as deep into the cavern as you can before you find your way out. I have been divorced for approximately three weeks, separated for nine months. I have remained sober the entire time.. I highlight that fact not to boast, but to pass on a message I learned along the way. You can get through anything sober. As usual, what I describe in this blog is my experience, it may not be yours..

So how do you navigate the rough waters of a difficult situation? I believe most if not all of us face difficult situations every day. They may not seem as significant as the larger challenges in life, such as death, divorce, or many other varieties of pain and loss. However, to the person experiencing them, the significance of the moment is usually quite substantial.

When it comes to divorce, the pain takes on a variety of forms. Regardless of the reasons behind the divorce, the marriage is over. Since we can only control ourselves, our actions, attitudes and behaviors, it is a misuse of time to give energy to the what, why and how. I find focusing on the what is NEXT a much better exercise.

Don’t get me wrong, I sat in the pain for some time. I sought the unanswered questions. But what I also did, and this was the most important piece, I talked about it. I asked for help. I told my trusted people what was going on and got out of my head and I did it every single day. Every day that I did this I felt a tiny bit better but I kept doing it and doing it and doing it until one day I woke up and I wasn’t angry. Yet I kept talking and I did my best to not isolate and get in the scary place between my ears and I started to feel better.

Now, I find one of my best trusted spaces at 12 step meetings. But this practice can be done with a friend, family member or anyone you trust. Tell me if you want! Just tell someone what’s going on. They want to know. If you’re like me, you’re most dangerous when you start thinking.

Life throws us all curveballs. We get to choose how we handle them. Know that you are worthy of love and that you are magnificent exactly the way you are. It’s never too late to choose happiness because you deserve it.