we are all thinking the same shit

I’ve been wanting to get back to writing so badly but there has been such a mental block and such a personal life block that it has been difficult.  Personal life block should be the title of the book I’ll say I never have time to write because of my personal life block.  I’ve had some really amazing conversations recently with some incredible people.  I find so much inspiration and accomplishment around me.  Of course the anxiety sets in, but I need to push that away.  But the first thing I want to say is that it amazes me that people I highly respect, learn from and think of as people who “have their shit together” or “aren’t always an emotional mess or ball of stress like I am”, actually are just like me inside.  Obviously we are all vastly different human beings with our own everything.  However, when you put us in any given situation that may be out of our element, we all feel somewhat uncomfortable and have anxiety.  Take a class at the gym or some sort of workout program, for instance, a truly vulnerable experience for most of the population I’d suggest.  It doesn’t matter who you are, what you look like, we all walk in there hoping we don’t do something stupid or hoping someone won’t think we look ugly or inept.  These types of experiences are good for anyone’s mind and soul, in my opinion, and should be sought out.

keep moving, I’m trying to stand in my way

So that personal life block really likes to get in my way.  Exhaustion, disinterest, anger, laziness and many more like to creep into my world and they can turn into an excuse or rationale pretty quickly.  I can write out pages of reasons why I can’t or don’t have time to write pages of the non-sense I have been spitting out here for a bit.  I’ll spend the 30 minutes of time it would take to go for a run and tell you why it’s hard to find 30 minutes of time to go for a run.  This isn’t a very productive skill.  It doesn’t yield many positive results.  The best part is, when I just get up and do the thing that I am going back and forth over, 10 out of 10 times, I feel better.  So why do we do it?  Because it’s easier to complain than to improve.  It’s easier to find support when you bitch than it is when you succeed.  Because we all compare ourselves to each other, at least a lot do.  Having a benchmark is a good thing.  Having goals based on what you perceive as success is good too.  What I know I am guilty of is basing my level of success on what others are doing.  This is dangerous for me because no two people have identical skill sets, histories, families, friends, and brains, bodies on and on and on…..  So why do I do it, why do we do it?  I wish I had an answer.  Really I wish I had an opinion because none of what I write or put out into the glorious world of the internet is more than just my thoughts, ideas and opinions.  I make no secret that I have zero factual data in these blogs nor do I have any degree that gives me any sort of semblance of a professional take on any topic.  But if I had to say something to tie this portion up with a mediocre, halfway done old bow, I guess it is just that we are all thinking the same shit at some point.  We compare ourselves to one another, we judge one another but we also can be incredibly insecure and fear that those around us don’t accept us or perhaps they may think badly of us.  So I guess what I am working out now is, why would that even be a bad thing?  Or, perhaps, more importantly, why do I even care?

HELP might be easier

Let’s attempt to pretend that I follow this next line of thinking.  I actually do sometimes.  Maybe you’ll have better luck with it.  But just remember, it’s never too late to surprise yourself.  Become who you want or even try.  Consider for one second that you are not perfect and then be open to suggestions.  Know that so much love surrounds us (this one can be hard, but it’s true) and that everyone can work together to improve.  Remember love exists and it makes great things happen in a world dominated by stories of hatred.  Just because those stories clog our many flowing streams of information, there are always touching, inspiring stories out there.  Read those, watch those videos.

Be better.  Just be better.  Be what you want to be.  Be a better everything.  Don’t settle don’t give in to excuses, and then don’t give into anger.  Stop wasting energy on building up your potential change and just do it.  Believe you can help yourself.  BELIEVE YOU CAN FORGIVE YOURSELF.  Picture yourself after the task at hand is completed and make that come to life.  I don’t follow my own words well.  It took me weeks to finally get this stuff out at all.  We are all guilty of it.  We need to go easy on ourselves, slow down and just take on one of the fifty things you THINK you should be doing.  When you feel like you are on an island and you don’t know how to get off, try a different solution than you’re comfortable with, and try something you’ve never tried before.  It may be harder, it may be uncomfortable, but it may be the change you’re looking for.