permanent fixtures

We have some permanent fixtures in our life. We just very well may have the illusions of permanent fixtures as well. You might say there is a limit and that might be unfair. I am not suggesting that we can only have 3 or 5 or 20 people in our life that cling on tight and never let go. But some do let go….and you let some go…. Yet, if you are lucky, you have some permanent fixtures, people who stick with you even when they find out you are an ass. They even possibly love you for it, or at least, in spite of it.
How hard is it to have a desire for someone to join your select group, yet know they won’t or can’t or shouldn’t? I’d say it difficult. People say you know when you know.
I’ll know when I know. What does that mean…. It;s on odd feeling when something is put in your life for a good reason but you come to realize that the “good reason”, while it is good and positive and looks like homerun on paper, has actually turned into the greatest stress of your life. Good reasons can sure mean a lot of different things. Let me try an analogy. Lets say you want to help homeless animals, you want to do something that benefits the world and benefits your soul. You find a wonderful dog that you think is great and just needs to be nursed to health and then he will be ready to be adopted by a loving family. So you house the dog, feed him, love him. He becomes a vibrant pup once again and the messages come flooding in wanting to meet him. The good idea you had and the good reason you envisioned has come to fruition and now a family is ready to take him away. End of story with the perfect happy ending.
Not so fast. We have a problem. During this process you didn’t realize it, but you can’t live without the dog now. He means more to you than you ever dreamed and the thought that this little guy is going to live somewhere else, even though it would be a constant, love filled existence for him, is so gut wrenchingly devastating that your good reason has turned your life into a daily grind of stress and agony thinking of losing your puppy. The dog was put in your life for a good reason, a reason YOU wanted. Then the good reason, in your crazy head, became much more about your need for the dog and the dog’s love and acceptance of you. And THAT good reason was NOT what was placed in your life and is not available to you. The whole process makes you want to wish none of it ever happened, but then you never met your dog. Then, you never knew a life with something that made you float on air. So then, what do you do. Well I don’t know. I DO NOT KNOW. I just know that you’ve got stress and heartache now and all you wanted was happiness and serenity…..

So what’s my point?  Well maybe today, right now, I have no point.  Maybe just sharing a feeling, suggesting something sucks sometimes is just good enough…. Whether another person reads this or not, I know when making a point isn’t the number one reason to write something down….

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